Kreng Jai (Greng Jai): The Thai Art of Not Imposing

Kreng jai (เกรงใจgreeng-jai, also spelled greng jai) is the feeling of not wanting to impose on someone: to bother them, burden them or put them in an awkward spot. It's one of the most important Thai values, and it explains a lot of everyday behaviour, from friends who won't ask you for a lift to guests who turn down food the first time it's offered.

What it means

เกรงgreeng means "to be in awe of" and ใจjai is "heart", so the word is roughly "to be mindful of someone's heart". English has no single word for it: it's a mix of consideration, deference, politeness and a little shyness. Thais feel it most towards people who are older or higher in status, but they feel it with friends and family too.

Kreng jai in daily life

• A colleague won't ask for your help, even if you'd be glad to give it, because they เกรงใจgreeng-jai you.
• Offered a drink or a snack, a Thai guest often says ไม่เป็นไรmâi bpen rai ("no thanks, it's fine") at first. The host insists: ไม่ต้องเกรงใจmâi dtâwng greeng-jai, "don't hold back, help yourself".
• At a shared meal, the last piece on the plate often sits there untouched. Thais call it ชิ้นเกรงใจchín greeng-jai, "the kreng jai piece".
• Someone who didn't understand your instructions may say nothing, rather than suggest you explained it badly.
• When someone does something kind you didn't expect, like bringing you a gift, you can say เกรงใจจังgreeng-jai jang: "oh, you shouldn't have!"

How to handle it

• Offer twice, and make it easy to say yes. Instead of "Do you need a lift?", try "I'm going that way anyway."
• Ask open questions. "Is that okay?" will almost always get a yes; "What would make it easier for you?" gets a real answer.
• Hear the soft no. ไม่สะดวกmâi sà-dùak ("it's not convenient") or a long pause usually means no.
• Show kreng jai yourself. Before asking a favour, say ขอโทษที่รบกวนkǎw-tôot tîi róp-guan, "sorry to bother you", and notice when a Thai friend is too polite to say they need to leave.

Thais notice, and warmly appreciate, a foreigner who has kreng jai. You'll practise asking for favours politely in Unit 12 of the free course, when Krit shows you a room in Nimman.